Here it goes, my first ever wedding post…
So, there is…*checks dream day countdown app* 99 days until my wedding day. That’s not many more Monday mornings to endure or, for the optimist, 17 lazy Sundays. It might sound like a long time but, it feels just around the corner to me. I wanted to write this piece maybe to make myself feel better or maybe to reassure other brides that being scared is totally ok. First I think it’s important to identify the difference between cold feet and sweaty palms.
Cold feet would suggest that there’s a part of you that wonders if you’re making the right decision? Freaked out by the concept of marriage? Maybe not even enjoying the planning process? Questioning if he’s the right man for you? All the above are pretty serious problems and just to be clear, these most certainly DO NOT apply to me. My feet are toasty warm.
Sweaty palms on the other hand refer more to anxiety regarding the day itself. This big, huge momentous occasion that your family have only been dreaming about since your first boyfriend at nursery school. Except he wasn’t a boyfriend, he probably just sat next to you in the sand pit. No pressure or anything. I’m beyond excited about getting married and becoming a wife. Christian is the most incredible man I’ve ever met and I never thought relationships could be as great as ours. We’ve had an incredible time planning it all and it’s been all fun and games. We haven’t even really found it all that stressful. I know that wedding planning can be a breeding ground for arguments and tears so we’ve been pretty lucky. My anxiety is purely about the wedding day itself and how it will pan out.
I had my first dress fitting at the weekend and it was this that spurred me on to want to write this post. I was in the shop with my mum standing in my dress, directly in front of an unnecessarily huge mirror with three lovely shop assistants, one to my left, one to my right and one directly behind me, so basically blocking all escape passages. I noticed eyes on me, they were lovely girls but all were staring and saying how lovely it looked and all I could think about was how sweaty my palms were. A surge of panic hit me as I imagined how many more eyes will be on me as I walk up that aisle. In my mind, I considered the option of maybe just skipping that bit? Maybe I could just casually join the guests in the grounds for Champagne afterwards? I was greeted with a harsh but necessary pep talk from myself concluding it was a stupid idea on every level.
At night (not every night) I dream of all the ridiculous things that might happen, go wrong, go right and everything in between. I’ll feel so much better getting these off my chest as I know that when looking at each worry in isolation, each is down right ridiculous. Perhaps even worthy of a giggle, we’ll see…
Here we go…
What If Nobody Turns Up?
As simple as it sounds, what if everybody just has something better to do on the day? Coincidentally all at the same time would be most unfortunate. What if they all get offered free Thorpe Park tickets or Beyonce has invited them round for tea and twerking? I just imagine an empty room, leftover food and the dull sound of “Mad World” playing on a ghetto blaster in the corner (because obviously the DJ didn’t turn up either).
So logically speaking this should not be a problem. I have a huge family consisting of parents, 4 siblings and grandparents. Therefore worst case scenario… if only they show up, that’s still a nice intimate little do and a hell of a lot of cake helpings right?
The Car Breaks Down
…and i’m late (well, later than I’m supposed to be)!
Even before we booked a car this was a worry. It could be a brand spanking new, fresh out the show room motor and this would still have crossed my mind. If classical cars are involved then this is very nearly overdrive for my nervous system.
My dad owns a chain of petrol stations and car servicing depo’s across the south of England. He knows more about cars than Fred Flintstone knows about stone. In my head I figure he’d either be able to fix it or… quickly call one of his mechanics to come and drive us there in one of the work vans?
People Staring At Me
Some people love the attention and that’s admirable. It’ll be difficult to avoid the way people will all be looking at the dress as you walk down the aisle, making sighing sounds whilst multiple camera flashes try to capture the once in a lifetime moment. Maybe one of the shots will make it onto the mantelpiece of one of the older relatives so don’t forget to look insanely happy, even if you are sweating profoundly and feeling as though you’ve consumed 12 energy drinks. Definitely cloudy with a chance of vomit.
My mum told me to enjoy it. She also told me that they won’t be staring, they’ll simply be looking, smiling and admiring: “It’s just your family and friends who all love you and want to share your day with you”. That was a good piece of advice, soothing on the soul. However, it was followed shortly by a not so super piece of advice: “just pretend they aren’t there”, or a favourite that I don’t think ever helped anybody: “just imagine everyone on the toilet”. Oh God!
Gravy Down The Dress
At the tender age of 26 I’m still incapable of consuming a meal without spilling it down myself, occasionally other people. Not every night but a strong 4 out of 7 nights of the week this happens. So why would my wedding day be any different? White dress, dark stain equates to very interesting wedding pictures… I can see it now. Is there any way of wearing a napkin under the chin in a sophisticated manner?
My wedding breakfast doesn’t even have any gravy!!!!
Can’t Walk In The Shoes
I can walk in them at home and I’ve worn them around the house to test for hours at a time. The day itself will be an obstacle course of unpredictable marble floors, a wedding dress, grass and cobbles so there’s simply no opportunity for rehearsal. Bearing in mind I’m the kind of girl that trips over in a pair of flats I’d say this occurrence is highly likely.
Wear different shoes I hear you say? Don’t be utterly absurd! You’ll feel the magic when you see them, trust me.
Forget My “Lines”
I don’t mean lines as in ‘lines lines’ like a play, that makes it sound so unromantic. However, there are parts I’ll need to have written and rehearsed, much like a play. Under pressure I have a tendency to forget lines, my own name or giggle hysterically. Just ask any poor viewer of my college drama performance, that was an interesting evening.
I’ve tried my best to safeguard this situation. We’ve asked the vicar if he would allow us a print out on the day to follow as the ceremony takes place. That way I don’t need to rely on my memory. Not sure there’s a tonic for laughter though so I’ll just have to take that as it comes…
Yep, I’m camera shy! We have a videographer and photographer to capture the big day but I worry that I won’t know what to do, or how to act natural, or not laugh. It took me half an hour to have a passport photo taken once, as I was so bashful that I couldn’t stop giggling.
To help ease this situation, we went for breakfast with both our photographer and videographer. They are so laid back and we laughed solidly for about 3 hours. I felt a lot more at ease afterwards. They did suggest a small drink before the ceremony and I don’t think they were referring to a cup of tea :p
Everyone laughs and stares because we didn’t rehearse a flash mob. It’s so popular at the moment for people to take classes and learn their first dance, a big flash mob or for the more advanced, choreograph their own! That’s cool and very impressive but that’s just not very us at all.
Keep it simple and keep it how we feel at our most natural. If we choose to dance like we’re at a Year 6 disc, then so be it. Groping not permitted.
Going To The Bathroom
I only have to look at the dress on a hanger to notice that there’s going to be some problems in the old bathroom department. There is no issue with peeing in front of other girls, that’s all good. It’s the “please can you hold my incredibly expensive white gown up so I don’t pee on it, don’t let it touch the floor, walls or ceiling, oh and please can you pass me some toilet roll?”. I’m embarrassed to put it bluntly.
If you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go! I helped my sister on her wedding day and didn’t give it a moments thought. You just have to help a girl out right?
When I write them all down, it seems a lot more silly. At least I’ve managed to filter the realistic problems from the absurd. A few weeks ago I dreamt I had no dress, Tom Hiddleston had replaced my groom and then there was the time I got the venue wrong.
All in all, there really is no need to worry. As soon as I see Christian at the other end of the aisle, I’ll feel safe. Yes, it’s a big day but there will be nobody there wanting to laugh, sabotage or be anything but happy to be there.
Even if ALL of the above did happen, does it really matter? What ever goes entirely to plan in the exact way we think it will? At the end of the day, it’s a big ass party to celebrate our marriage and drink to the prosperous future of my new husband and myself. On a comical note though, if something hysterical does happen (which it will) then it will be photographed and be on video FOREVER. Watch out YouTube…
I’d really love to hear from any other brides-to-be, or lovely ladies that have come out the other side with some sparkling gems of wisdom.
And now to finish in the words of the infamous Jerry Maguire…
HELP ME HELP YOU
Lots of Love